I feel like I'm in dance class right now
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
