Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
