yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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