Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
home. puking in laundry basket.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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