You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
