So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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