I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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