Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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