I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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