watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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