the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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