It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
