Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
