Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
This toilet bowl is my home.
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