Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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