Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
