I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
