i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
