so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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