Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
