i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
