college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
