How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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