Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Even my vagina gasped.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
