Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
