Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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