Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
