I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We are two peas in an std pod
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
