he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My ATM looks so different sober.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I have aggressive nipples.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
