Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
