walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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