I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
