You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
