OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
