I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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