phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
