imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
