...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
