Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
