And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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