i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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