I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
