i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
