We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
