Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
