Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
you never un-have a 4some
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
