I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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