I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Randomize
