she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
