who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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