i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
