I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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