I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
